Written by J:
Failure
Three days after taking my physiology final exam, I sat in my dorm room anxiously waiting for scores to come out. I had done well in my other classes, even our comprehensive exam for year 1, the BSCE 1. My flight home would leave early the next morning, and I had just started to pack my things. Then it happened - later that morning I sat on my bed and refreshed Sakai, where I found out that I had failed physiology by 2 points (0.75%). At first I thought it was a mistake, so I added up all the possible points which, to my genuine surprise, came out to 200 like it was supposed to. In an instant, I was overcome with embarrassment, shame, astonishment, and a nagging question in the back of my mind of what I didn't do right. Suddenly, I didn't know if I was packing for the one month break until term 3, or for the rest of my life (if you're curious, I chose to pack for the former). I didn't eat or sleep much that night. I called ahead and took a taxi at 4am to the airport, several hours before I ever needed to. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, I really just wanted to go home. Both of my parents came to pick me up at the airport that evening and I couldn't help but burst into tears at the gate.
SGU's policy for students who fail a course (no matter if by 2 points or 20), is to recommend them for automatic dismissal. Students may appeal the decision, which is reviewed by the deans and department chairs. The majority of students who appeal are not reinstated (I remember reading on forums that the numbers were something like 1 in 5). I decided to try and appeal. I wrote an honest explanation of what I did and what I will do if reinstated. I heard back from the committee 3 weeks later (1 week before classes started) that I would be reinstated, and I would have to retake physiology in the spring.
Aside from wasting 4 months of my life because of 2 points on an exam, coming back to Grenada in January was an incredibly defeating experience for a variety of reasons. Friends that I had known in the January entering class either completely stopped talking to me or had little more to say to me than "sorry." The few friends who talked to me even went as far as to say things like "what did you expect from this school?" or "didn't you use this resource" or "didn't you attend this person's DES session?" In passing, I've heard things like "How do you think failing a course would look like to residency directors?" or "wow if I had failed a class, I'd be buying a one way ticket home." For these reasons, and many more, I spent the better part of my "redemption semester" burning these bridges and being by myself - which turned out to be one of the best decisions I had made. Being a student at SGU can be an oddly tribal and divisive experience. People hear different things about exams from upper-termers, people get different advice, different books, different materials to study from. I found it frustrating because many of my friends would be selective about what resources they give or tell other people about, and I really just wanted to step outside of that circle.
It's hard to put into words what it feels like to retake a class at SGU. Without a doubt, getting an acceptance letter from SGU and making the decision to attend has to be one of the highlights of my life. Without a doubt, failing a class and being recommended to leave because of 2 points has to be an all-time low. Adding salt to that wound, some of the people who moved on to term 3/4 never went to class, yet still talk about me and others as if we're the ones who hadn't done something right. It took me a while to really embrace the fact that the students on this island will talk behind your back, and they will talk about absolutely everything. Some of my old friends gossiped to N and others about who I talk to, where they saw me, what I was doing, all without even saying so much as a hello to my face -- it still infuriates me to this day. That's when I learned this important lesson: sometimes, you've got to learn to outgrow certain people in your life.
Throughout the second half of the semester, I was able to better myself academically: I got an A on the midterm and a B on the final. I built an entirely new network of friends who, to my delight, support me academically, socially, and motivationally as much as I support them. I changed my faculty advisor. I lost 6 lbs without trying. I also run a small business, which I was able to take to heights which I could have never imagined. Finally, I was able to study ahead and get a solid head start for term 4. I'll go into depth into all of these points and more in an upcoming blog.
Thank you all for following our blog while we took a short hiatus. Talk to you soon - J
The Breakup
N and I had been together for several years, and we decided to take some time apart so that I could get myself back in order academically and emotionally. I think this helped us both because since she was busy in term 4, we didn't stress each other out as much and we learned to rely more on ourselves for support. N and I are still friends, and both of us will continue to contribute to this blog.
Advice and Silver Linings
Throughout the second half of the semester, I was able to better myself academically: I got an A on the midterm and a B on the final. I built an entirely new network of friends who, to my delight, support me academically, socially, and motivationally as much as I support them. I changed my faculty advisor. I lost 6 lbs without trying. I also run a small business, which I was able to take to heights which I could have never imagined. Finally, I was able to study ahead and get a solid head start for term 4. I'll go into depth into all of these points and more in an upcoming blog.
Thank you all for following our blog while we took a short hiatus. Talk to you soon - J
